Skip to content

On Sunday, the 13th of November, 2078, an unnamed person passed away after hitting a tree full force on a rainy November night, somewhere on the outskirts of Berlin. Person XY’s last thoughts had been: “If only I hadn’t stolen this bike repair kit from that bordeaux-colored bike on the streets of Berlin all those years ago.” Life had been nothing but a series of misfortunate events since that day. Their bike tires had popped in unrelenting manner. The repairs couldn’t fix the steady stream of punctures. Stumbling out of bars, with a slight wobble in their step, Person XY would always come back to find their bike’s tires flat. It was as if the bike repair kit had been haunted by some sort of vengeful Poltergeist.

The accident had been the result of an unexpected quantum-physical alignment of karma, misfortune and deserved ill will. The tires, both of which had been repaired using the aforementioned stolen bike repair kit, had popped. At the exact same temporal singularity that was the moment of the tire pop, the screws, tightened with the bone wrench from this stolen bike repair kit, flew off their bolts. The bike, and its rider, flew against the closest tree, who welcomed both (one deserving, one undeserving) into the final embrace of the night.

No one came to the funeral, because thieves don’t have friends. The gravestone reads “I have many regrets, but stealing a random person’s trusted bike repair kit definitely being the greatest one.” To this day, Person XY resides in A Very Special Place in Hell, outside the 7th circle. Even Satan visits only rarely. He won’t admit it, but he’s a little scared of the place. The screams coming from there are beyond good and evil.

Person XY’s bike on the other hand was found and repaired, lovingly, by a redheaded stranger. The two of them formed a longlasting bikelationship, which carried Person XY’s bike across hills and mountains it had never dared dream to feel underneath its tires. The tires, curiously, never popped again. The bike repair kit also never dared fail its new owner.

And off in the distance, a Poltergeist smiled to itself and ventured on to fight the good fight against those who dare steal bikes and bike repair kits.